A real gift

(Taken with my iPhone)

Yes, Jamie is reading a card that Rinpoche wrote to her, but what does it have to do with anything?

Because the picture is a snapshot of a situation that answered how crap I’ve been feeling these last couple of days.

Since the soongdroop and rabnye pujas began, and in fact since the Lamrim recitation retreat ended, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how nice it’d be to live in a cave and be in constant retreat.

Perhaps I’ve romanticised it slightly, and my motivations for wanting to shut myself away like that are a little less than holy, but the thought of never uttering a sound except to recite a mantra, and never doing anything else but meditating on the Lamrim has begun to appeal to me more and more everyday.

But back to this evening and as with most things that happen with Rinpoche, tonight was utterly spontaneous. My day began planned enough (as it usual does), starting with the pujas in the gompa. It was around 7pm when I got the message:

From Vajradhara!

Paris, after soongdroop, if Gen-la is free, I take him, you and Monlam to eat. Also BK and Jean Ai if they are free.

I know I’m going to sound like a bulldozer but I don’t really care what people say about me when it comes to my Lama – if he calls, I’ll come running. After all, isn’t that what one of the verses in the Nine Attitudes says, to be like the boat and never be upset to come or go for the Guru at any time?

Sounds fanatical? Well if you come from a more Judeo-Christian perspective, let me put it to you this way – you have Jesus, and you get to study at his feet AND you get to sup with him. And sometimes he sends you funny messages with a deeper meaning directly to your phone. Or sometimes those messages are serious and come at absolutely the right time, like when you’re feeling a bit sh*t and you’re in the middle of the latest pity party you’ve thrown for yourself.

So if you had the chance, wouldn’t you take it to? You see, every time you see Rinpoche, you always come away a little better than what you first met him. Dinner isn’t just dinner – dinner is dinner and a teaching by example, and a Dharma talk, and some more knowledge to contemplate on.

I never know when my human life is going to end. There will come a day when I will look back with longing for all the times I had with my Lama, and a sadness for all the times I could’ve had with my Lama but missed out on because I let my anger, pride and ego get the better of me.

I’m going to die anyway, and they’re going to die anyway, so why should I let their words get to me, and make me miss out on times with my Lama?

buddha, photo, shopping, teaching, Tsem Tulku Rinpoche Life in Kechara: Behind The Scenes