Jean Ai

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Fire Flies

Chaos of voices saying yes, no,
Could it be’s

Ride

Grey liquid crystal
Burnish ochre skin

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At the beginning of the year, I decided to go to T

At the beginning of the year, I decided to go to Thailand and do a little exploring.

I began in Chiang Mai, a city I’d never previously been to despite having travelled to Thailand countless times, and having even lived there at one stage of my life.

Cool-to-cold, dry weather with plenty of countryside and hiking spots, that’s easy to get around - what’s not to love?

If there’s one thing the trip reaffirmed for me, it’s that kindness exists everywhere and for those couple of weeks, I was very privileged to experience it.

A trip back to Chiang Mai is very definitely in the cards for the near future, not so much for the urban centre itself but more for the surrounding areas. So much remains unhiked, unseen and unexplored, and I can’t wait to return!

#budgettravel #digitalnomad #solotravel #solotraveler #travelingonabudget #cheaptravel

Fulfilling March’s commitment to @wearekix_ to r

Fulfilling March’s commitment to @wearekix_ to release one piece of art a month…

——

INSPO: To say I’m an overthinker would be an understatement, and it’s a quality I’ve worked HARD on in the last year.

I used to think that asking others for their opinion would ease my decision-making process. That it would help me see my blind spots and yeah, to a certain extent that’s true. But in so many other ways, it’s not and it only introduces a form of paralytic chaos into life.

Because there ARE downsides to asking MANY people “what do you think”. For me at least, the more voices there were, the more confused I became until my own voice got lost in the melee.

I forgot how to listen to myself, and found my anxieties worsening as I tried to keep everyone happy by giving all their opinions equal weight. And when my own voice tried to fight back and speak up, I buried it under a chorus of insecurities.

But the truth is my life is not an exercise in democratic inclusivity, and it’s impossible to make everyone happy. And what tends to happen when you ask for someone’s opinion, and you don’t do what they opine, is it can leave them somewhat annoyed. A “why’d you bother asking me” situation.

Less pleasant is when you ask for their opinion, and follow someone else’s recommendation instead, and it goes wrong. Then you get an “I told you so”. It’s judgementalism I have no interest in partaking in.

So in the past year, I worked on relying on myself. I stopped talking to everyone, and started talking to myself. I learned to listen to my voice, even when it comes as whispers.

As I’ve learned to lean into my own voice, the overthinking and anxiety have significantly reduced. My mind feels lighter - breezy even - a hard-won victory that does still feel a little fragile on some days and needs a little support.

But after a year of work, I think the key for me is this - asking the RIGHT people “what do you think” and developing the confidence to know even if I make a poor decision, it’s okay. That I’LL be okay because I’ve got the skills, time and support for a lil’ course correction 🙂

#poetrycommunity #poetryinspiration #wordsmiths #versevibes #poems #thingsimake

Hi and welcome to my world of incredibly slow reel

Hi and welcome to my world of incredibly slow reel-making 😂 This trip was back in November 2023, when the fam took a short trip to Hoi An 🇻🇳

Day 2 for me began with a morning swim, and multiple rounds between the freezing cold pool (it was winter there) and the villa’s steam room.

After breakfast with the fam, I went to visit My Son, which everyone else had gone to the previous day. It was well worth the hour-long drive to this ancient Hindu pilgrimage marvel, which is now a collection of archeological sites scattered throughout what’s essentially a giant park. I got to take my time exploring the incredible ruins, mostly on my own because the incessant drizzle (alternating with a heavier downpour) kept away the majority of visitors.

What was quite lovely, I thought, wasn’t the tourists clambering on the ruins to take selfies, no. It was actually the Hindu visitors going from site to site, making their devotional prayers. After thousands of years, the place still holds sacred meaning to them…

By the time the park was closing and I was done, the drizzle had decided to turn into a storm so I made my way back to the villa for dinner.

If you’re into history (as I am) and need a little bit of a break from Vietnam’s urban sprawl, I can recommend My Son as a day trip. Just please remember to be respectful and responsible because this is still a holy site for pilgrims!

Between concept to execution, there was a grand to

A short story on love’s disappointments.

The last time I went on a family holiday was at le

The last time I went on a family holiday was at least a decade ago (Hong Kong or Bali, if I recall correctly). Had a fantastic time in Hoi An back in NOVEMBER 😂 with @elisakhong @khaileeng and fam. Yes, I know this recap is two months slow but…you know…things come up 😂

Mei and I arrived in Viet Nam a day after the rest of the fam who were already out at a clay factory. So Day 1 for us was mostly exploring the old town in the rain, eating our way through all of their vegan banh mis, and spending time matching buttons at the tailor. We capped things off at a vegan restaurant where, together with Khailee, we ordered pretty much the entire menu, and went back to the villa veeeeery satisfied and happy ☺️

Over the weekend, someone said to me that my IG is

Over the weekend, someone said to me that my IG is like my diary so I guess this post is befitting of that summation! (To be fair, there’s still a helluva lot that happens to me, that’s not documented here… 😵‍💫)

At the end of every year, I spend a little time reflecting on the past 12 months and thinking ahead to the future. Then I set goals for myself - not resolutions because I find those are easy to break, but I believe it’s not as easy giving up a commitment to work towards certain things.

🌳 Reflections:
One of the biggest wake-up calls for me in 2023 was noticing who I spend time with, what we do in that time, and how I feel after coming away from that interaction. For that reason, most of my 2023’s Q3 and Q4 was in pretty much hermit mode, hanging out with just 1-2 friends, family or mostly by myself.

I wanted - nay, NEEDED - space to analyse, think and get clear, and I realised something profound (for me, at least). I realised that when I spent time with people who only talk about people/events, I came away feeling shitty and/or angry. Or, worse still, feeling like I’d accomplished something when in reality, all we had done was gossip 🤯

How much had I learned in the time spent with them? How much had I grown, progressed or been challenged physically, emotionally, intellectually? How much art had I produced and created?

✨✨✨AND how had THEY benefited from their time with me, or was my presence just enabling shitty habits for both of us?✨✨✨

No wonder “refraining from idle chatter” is one of the 10 Refuge Vows.

Another lesson was saying “yes” to things I didn’t actually want to do, then feeling bad about doing them. Or, worse still, saying “no” to things I didn’t actually want to do, then feeling bad about saying no 🤦🏻‍♀️

That was problematic because along with that, I was sometimes pretending to enjoy stuff I don’t actually enjoy, just to maintain a relationship or keep the peace.

(Continued in the comments)

Sunrises and sunsets 🌞 are my favourite times o

Sunrises and sunsets 🌞 are my favourite times of the day. And maybe it’s just me but I always feel like somehow their complete brilliance is never fully captured on camera…some things really are just better experienced in the real world.

📸: Taryn Elliott

#colorgrading #videoediting #cinematicfootage #travelvlogs #dronevideography

One of my greatest – and I really do mean greatest

One of my greatest - and I really do mean greatest - fears is showing my poetry to anyone, let alone PERFORMING it in public.

Give a speech? Sure. Do a presentation? No problem.

But perform? NOPE.

But on New Year’s Eve, at @elisakhong and @khaileeng’s gathering, a small stage was set up for people to sing, recite poetry, act and so on, and I thought, “Why not end the old year, and start the new one with an act of bravery?” (Hey, it’s brave for me, okay! 🤣)

I was trembling the whole way through, and feeling sick in my stomach but I got there in the end 😅

Maybe one day I’ll have the guts to upload a video without the audio muted but for now, here’s the poem everyone heard 😊

Thanks Mei for the video, and thank you and Khailee for the invite and encouragement to do this! Here’s to doing more stuff I’m scared of!

——

INSPO: I was going through a bit of difficulty last year. I was thinking about quitting my old place where I’d been for 14 years and starting a new job in video production. So there were many sleeplessness and a lot of questioning my identity and goals and if I’m making the right decision, and feeling a bit driftless and ungrounded.

#poetrycommunity #poetryinspiration #wordsmiths #versevibes #poesia #poems #thingsimake

I can’t be the only one dreaming of the beach ri

I can’t be the only one dreaming of the beach right now, right?

📸: Michal Marek

#colorgrading #videoediting #cinematicfootage #travelvlogs #dronevideography #budgettravel #digitalnomad #solotravel #solotraveler #travelingonabudget #cheaptravel

Wanted to give a regular kampung scene some Nusant

Wanted to give a regular kampung scene some Nusantara / P. Ramlee vibes. Feeling a little nostalgic today!

After a couple of hectic weeks, I’m looking forward to some quieter times ahead. What are you looking forward to?

#colorgrading #videoediting #cinematicfootage #travelvlogs #dronevideography #indonesia #indonesia🇮🇩 #tourismindonesia

Starting the new year by seeking inspiration from

Starting the new year by seeking inspiration from other sources! This time we go to some rice terraces on a hill in India 🇮🇳

It’s been a while since I’ve set foot in the country. My last trip was in 2015, a full 9 years ago, and there are still so many places left unexplored 🥲

Should I make a trip soon? 🤔

📸: Yogendra Singh

#colorgrading #videoediting #cinematicfootage #travelvlogs #dronevideography #india #indiaclicks #indiatravel #indiatravelgram

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Recent Posts

Fire Flies
Ride
Rinpoche the playful
Taking (spiritual) pain away
Self-care in Buddhism
The bodhisattva agency of Tsem Rinpoche
Taking (emotional) pain away
Taking (physical) pain away
Mount Shasta and our first Dorje Shugden post
Life in the public eye

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